“Freja, why do you have to make it so complicated? Sex should happen naturally, instinctively.”
Procreation is natural and instinctive. Are you making love to procreate?
Most of us aren’t, most of us are doing it for pleasure and connection, and sometimes to maintain the stability of a relationship.
Squatting to eliminate waste is natural: do you use toilet paper? Soap? Toiletries? Do you groom? Why do you have to make a natural process complicated?
Humming a tune is natural. Finding joy in playing a complex instrumental piece in harmony with another requires that you know your own instrument and that they know theirs, and you understand how to play nice together. It’s not instinctive banging on strings or keys and hoping for the best. The attention is worth the joy that it creates. Dancers tango with ease when the steps are known.
This breakdown can simplify it
The Erotic is the mental, and the fuel for the fire
The Sensual is the physical, what feels good. And the erotic ads fuel to what feels good
The Toolbox is your skillset, how adept you are at doing “the things” to each other and yourselves.
Simple, with infinite ways to explore.
Looking for more agency? See "Permission Slips For Pleasure" to give yourself permission for all the things.